Bittersweet Symphony
2004-03-31 at 8:28 a.m.
Rant the Second: On Asshole Pricks
I had a dream last night, or, this morning. And Peter Lazarro had come to search our house. It was funny because I told him for some reason that my husband was keeping a plastic bag next to him to throw away his tissues because he was sick, and he said, "See, that's how he scribbles down plans while you're not looking, then he throws them in the bag when you come back."Peter Lazarro is the man who has set out to destroy my family because my husband, as you may know, has committed that infamous, heinous, post-9/11 crime of Living While Arab. Like it's brother, Driving While Black, it provides conclusive evidence of a person's guilt. My son is only half-Arab, and therefore he is only half guilty for All Crimes Against Humanity, past and present.
I first met Peter La-fucking-zarro when I was sat (sitten?) down in front of his ugly mug for what I thought was just the second part of my normal green card interview. What shall I say? It was anything but normal. Anyway, I was totally unprepared for the emotional and psychological attack I was about to receive. The first thing out of his mouth, that they had received information that our marriage wasn't real and that my husband was going to be sent home to Lebanon, made me cry. Emotional, unprepared me. After this, I think they (there were two, Peter and a Prick-In-Training) may have glimpsed somewhat, what total assholes they were. And so they said, "OK, we think that you're sincere, but your husband? He's just conning you." So I was subjected to two-and-half hours of interrogation, and mental trickery, in which they were determined to convince me that my husband would leave me upon receiving his greencard, that I would go to jail for marriage fraud (didn't you hear about the woman who had her baby in prison? Do you want that to be you?) if I didn't withdraw my petition for my husband, that, somehow, miraculously, my husband would be able to stay in the US even if I withdrew my petition for him, that my husband is probably a terrorist. And Was he sympathetic with the 9/11 hijackers? What does he say while he's watching the news? He doesn't like Israel? How dare he! How does it make him feel that we are their allies? Does he say how he hates all Americans?
My father had come to the INS because, as my husband's sponsor, it had been advised that he do so. So when Peter Shit-For-Brains L. said he would be investigating my husband and our marriage, I asked him if, perhaps, he might want to talk to my dear old Dad. No, that's fine. I don't need to talk him. What was that you said about your mother? That she thinks your husband is using you for his greencard? What was her phone number?
(My mother and I had been estranged for the first year and a half of my marriage. She had only met my husband three, brief times. She now knows that she was wrong when she said that. My father, on the other hand, we see at least monthly.)
He said he was interested in finding out the "truth," but I had to force him to write down the phone numbers of our closest friends. (Who he never called, of course. My mother, on the other hand, got a call that day)
My husband's birthday is Christmas. So they asked me, did I know if that was his real birthday? Sometimes these Arabs don't know when they were really born, so when they come to this country and need a birthdate, they choose a holiday. I'm sure that's what happened. Because, you know, in Lebanon, they drive camels and live in tents and when airplanes fly overhead, they all run for cover because they think their gods are sending retribution because they are displeased with them. So when my Muslim husband had to choose a holiday to be his birthday, the first thing he thought of, of course, was Christmas.
I don't fault anyone for being ignorant about the history and culture of the various Arab countries. I was too before I started learning about it from the Arabs I met. But when you're going to be working with, and especially investigating people from those places, that's when Fox News should stop being your only source for information about Arabs.
When I came out of the "interview" I sat down next my dad and, through tears, asked him if he would take care of Aidan while I went to prison. Federal Investigators. They're highly-trained in harrassment and intimidation, but they've never seen a map before.
So what brought this dream on is that yesterday my husband was fired from his job at the airport. After already having being cleared by his background check, they've come back and said that he didn't get the necessary security clearance. So in other words, Mr. L. found out that my husband was working at the airport while being Arab at the same time, and put in some friendly calls, just to, you know, make sure his company knew they had hired a terrorist and in so doing, took away my husband's first chance to have health insurance (he was going to be eligible in two weeks), and our way to afford sending me to Lebanon with reduced airfare. Thanks. Thank you one-and-all, INS investigators in this lovely US of A.
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