Bittersweet Symphony
2004-04-16 at 1:21 p.m.
Crazy
Why is it that when something bad happens to people they say or they behave like "How can this happen? How can anyone let this happen? Everyone should make it so this doesn't happen. Everyone should feel sorry for me." But outside of that they can say "Who cares? Fuck the world! Why do you waste your time caring about other people? You can't do anything anyway." You can't have it both ways. You can either care about what happens to other people or you can swallow whatever shit comes your way.You know why people lose their idealism as they get older? Because the more time that goes on, the more people you come across with more convincing ways of telling you that you're just being silly. Why? Why are you like that? What are you doing? and Why would you do it? All that matters is your life and the people in it and the things that you do and the things that you get.
I had a fight with my husband last night. A lot of times after we fight, I feel sorry right away and apologize. But not this time. I am so far in the right, I don't even know what wrong looks like. Well, I might not if my husband wasn't standing in the middle of it. I always say that he's not going to get off easy, he has to show me that he knows what he did and that he feels so bad he can't even imagine doing it again. And I always cave. But not this time. I can't tell you what it was about. Other people might not be as forgiving as I might be one day. It's a classic trick. When confronted with your faults, turn it around so that your accuser is attacked for accusing. I'm so tired of him getting mad at me for daring to question him. I have a right to know the truth. I had his baby. He's our baby and he loves his daddy so much. If his love is going to be let down sooner or later, better it be sooner. I feel like a lunatic.
Maybe it's just because he's been working 12 hours everyday for the past two weeks and at least one maybe two more weeks are ahead. No. He's wrong. Being tired or cranky doesn't excuse him. I have to show him I'm tired of being kicked around. He can't treat me like that and get away with it.
Who listens to music ALL DAY LONG? Shut the fuck up!!!!!!
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